rebelliousness.

June 27, 2010

im struggling with rebellion in my heart right now. im considering why it is that i have an urge to do things i shouldnt do. we all face this struggle, and i hate that many christians would be appalled by me saying im struggling with it. we always feel the need to defend ourselves, and im fighting the urge to argue that i havent actually acted on it. but that’s not true because sometimes me watching a movie is rebellion. it doesn’t always have to be a major thing.

but regardless, im just feeling very disappointed in the lack of love and forgiveness we show one another. im not even speaking of non believers. i feel like the hot topic of conversation has been what this person has done, or what that guy said, or what that girl did. and im so ashamed that i play a major part in it. there are a lot of things that can be claimed as result of the fall. and be that as it may, we are commanded to not live as a part of this world, but as a stranger on this earth looking forward to the day of judgement to come.

im not ranting at anyone specific. i guess just myself. i can feel the very pain of wanting to be righteous and not even noticing i have defiled myself with speech, media, food, material things, unforgiveness,  thoughts, drink. it doesn’t matter. it’s a plague. human nature is a plague. i cant wait for JESUS TO COME BACK! I CANT WAIT FOR TRUE JUSTICE, I CANT WAIT TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE FOR REAL.

LORD MAKE YOUR CHURCH AS EAGER AS THE EARLY CHURCH, MAKE US A COMMUNITY, MAKE US BE SERVANTS OF ALL!

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