September 13, 2011

so right now im very excited because i am working on a new website for my upcoming album!! its going to be an e.p. for some electronica esque music i have been working on for a while.

as of right now i need about $3,000.00 to make it happen. i need to cover studio costs, mixing and mastering, and purchasing the equipment it will take to make it sound great!

i also be posting a video that sums up my vision for the studio, for the album, and for my heart to put an end to sex trafficking and other justice issues…

im very very excited to share some new music with anyone who will listen!!

ill start updating this more so i can keep everyone updated with studio fun, thoughts, and what the lord is doing!!!!



May 4, 2011

there is none greater than Jesus!

his burden is light.

his yolk is easy.


June 27, 2010

im struggling with rebellion in my heart right now. im considering why it is that i have an urge to do things i shouldnt do. we all face this struggle, and i hate that many christians would be appalled by me saying im struggling with it. we always feel the need to defend ourselves, and im fighting the urge to argue that i havent actually acted on it. but that’s not true because sometimes me watching a movie is rebellion. it doesn’t always have to be a major thing.

but regardless, im just feeling very disappointed in the lack of love and forgiveness we show one another. im not even speaking of non believers. i feel like the hot topic of conversation has been what this person has done, or what that guy said, or what that girl did. and im so ashamed that i play a major part in it. there are a lot of things that can be claimed as result of the fall. and be that as it may, we are commanded to not live as a part of this world, but as a stranger on this earth looking forward to the day of judgement to come.

im not ranting at anyone specific. i guess just myself. i can feel the very pain of wanting to be righteous and not even noticing i have defiled myself with speech, media, food, material things, unforgiveness,  thoughts, drink. it doesn’t matter. it’s a plague. human nature is a plague. i cant wait for JESUS TO COME BACK! I CANT WAIT FOR TRUE JUSTICE, I CANT WAIT TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE FOR REAL.


1 Samuel 2:25

June 25, 2010

“25 If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the LORD’s will to put them to death.”

So, I am sitting in the prayer room right now and ive come across this passage and its throwing me for a loop. i think that this scripture alone has just won its place in dominating my thoughts for the next week. it implies so much. it is giving me a headache just to consider the possibilities.

Let me give some context. I only through the first chapter of 1 Samuel. We have just been introduced to a mother whose intercession won her a son. and already I am captivated by the thought that a mother, who’s only desire was to receive a son, was not only persistent in believing but walked in obedience in the giving up of her son. In her mind Samuel was rightfully the LORD’s. I just loved reading through the first chapter because I don’t think it ever hit me so hard that a women could want a child so bad yet be able to consecrate him to the LORD, which meant letting him live a good distance away from him, not being able to speak to him, to watch him grow up, to hug him when he scrapes his knee. to not enjoy the little jokes that a 3-year-old makes. and the wrong sentences an 8-year-old constructs. its CRAZY… then again, I am in a baby craze, which is obviously the result of holding a the cutest fricking baby ever for like an hour while he slept. it’s messed me up. ha.

anyways, it reminds me of the insanity of abraham and the love that ran so deep for G-d that he would be willing to slay his own son to be in obedience.

but this is neither here nor there. if you know me, you know that I go on tangents. if you know me, then you can appreciate that these thoughts probably don’t make and coherent sense, but just try to follow me.

THIS IS THE THING…Samuel is found righteous. but he has been adopted in to the priestly family. meanwhile Eli’s sons are idiots and are sleeping around with the girls who are servants in the house of the LORD. the sons are terrible men, they cheat G-d’s people, and more importantly they disrespect G-d himself. Eli merely has a stern talking to with them. but this is the house of the LORD we are talking about! you cant just talk to them, there needed to be some sort of action taken. G-d always desires mercy over judgement, and i think Eli blew it as a father to discipline his sons. just one more example of fatherlessness. maybe im wrong, but it just seems like Eli totally copped out.

So, G-d has to take action…this is where it gets crazy for me. typically I would just read through it and accept it as monotone. but not tonight. for some reason I really felt the pain that G-d must have felt. here HE is. creator of the world. willing to share the priestly command with mere men. that was what He wanted. He enjoys letting us work with Him. He loves relationship. (we see it clearly in the garden) it just broke my heart when I read how badly He desired to partner with Eli’s family line. but they wouldn’t accept the responsibility with pure hearts. they were greedy and selfish. and all of the sudden His anger must be satisfied.

this is where it makes me get all confused… “for it was the LORD’s will to put them to death.” that means sometimes, G-d WILLS for things like death to occur. we have a GOD WHO HAS EMOTIONS, HE FEELS PAIN, HE FEELS SORROW, HE HAS ANGER AND WRATH THAT IS REAL, HES NOT A HIPPIE GOD, HES NOT THE DAD WHO WILL NEVER SPANK US.


In this instance I think that Eli as a father really let his sons down. that was his right as a father to discipline. the scriptures kind of imply that he enjoyed the spoils as well. granted he may have not been the one who stole directly, but he still had an agreement with this sin. the sons are guilty. but so is Eli to some degree.

I know that im not a theologian. and i may have read this wrong, but this is what im feeling…PAIN FOR THE FATHERLESS, PAIN FOR WHAT WE AS CHILDREN COULD HAVE IN CHRIST IF WE ABIDE IN HIM, IF WE OBEY HIM, IF WE DELIGHT IN HIM!

random thoughts at 2:35 am

February 18, 2010

ive been working on a friends e.p….which by the way is insane for me to even have the opportunity to do! im very grateful and sometimes worry i cant deliver a final product that his amazing music deserves!

but anyways, a lot of changes have happened. in light of this awakening i have become a new person. i dont feel the same…i dont think i look the same. i feel joy! i love Jesus and im grateful that He loves me and is a person who interacts with me. when i let my mind consider Him…i just wanna explode. more on that another time.

im addicted to this song Heretics by Andrew Bird. there is so much good music in the world ive never heard. im excited to have ears!

also, i love this poem i just found…


May 6, 2009

genesis 12: 1-3 “now the lord said to abram, go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that i will show you. and i will make of you agreat nation, and i will bless you and make your name great so that you will be a blessing. i will bless those who bless you and him who dishonors you i will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

im wondering how god chose abraham to be blessed…was it because he came from the line of Shem? or was it because he could see abrahams future obedience and devotion…i.e. willingness to sacrifice isaac, his own son…which by the way seems like such a peculiar form of refining…but none the less an extremely qualified act to examplify obedience!

i dont have solid answers yet, but i am sure about one thing…

god is not like us. what he qualifies as good, perfect, beautiful, or fast or slow, timing…none of that compares to how we view it. he is so much bigger than us. so much other than us.

i had a funny thought yesterday.

i was sitting in the prayer room, and reading about other religions, when all of the sudden i realized that i dont know any other god, except my god! that sounds so cheesy. but im serious. take me literal. i dont know the god of islam. i dont know the “messiah” that the jews are waiting for…i dont know buddah, and i dont know hari krishna or other states of mind to enter into…i dont know them because they cannot speak…they cannot heal…they cannot interact with me…they cannot change things in the heavens…or send me fire from above…they can only decieve and dull my spirit from the truth. they can only produce frustration, or a life full of addiction to whatever altered state i may have been able to achieve. but they are always lacking. i can never walk away satisfied.

but the thing i was thinking was just how much i would actually miss my FRIEND jesus. he actually cares. he actually bled for me. he knew from before the creation of the world that i was to be created and have a purpose. he is  my bridegroom, jealous for my affections. his purging is to my benefit, and his jealousy for a heart that reciprocates affection isnt like any other.

i think about how he turns his head looking too and fro to find one who will love him. how his heart actually aches, breaks, and interceeds for his children! he is actually alive. waiting to claim his bride. he literally is alive. the firstborn from the dead. already in the glorified body. he is alive. walking around somewhere. interceeding to the father on my behalf. i just. cant. believe. it.abraham

psalm 7

May 5, 2009

images“O LORD my God, in you do i take refuge;

save me from all my pursuers and deliver me,

lest like a lion they tear my soul apart,

rending it in pieces, with none to deliver.”

the deceased Jew is to be laid on the ground with his eyes closed, meanwhile the gaurds (for he is never left alone because it would be disrespectful) would not be allowed to eat or drink or perform mitzvot. to do so would be disrespectful to the dead because he is no longer able to do those things. which ultimately made my mind wander to the fact that we are meant to be higher in the food chain than a lion, who while eating you, is actually disrespecting you twice! ha ha! humiliation would occur on 2 levels…

this of course is just a random thought.

but while looking at this passage, David’s pursuers were ruthless. desiring all that he had, and more so looking to avenge his intimacy and favor with the lord. i wonder what it looked like for his brothers to bow down to their baby brother? how humiliating. i imagine that if David was dashing, yet young, what did his brothers look like? what kind of ego’s had they developed at this point? how much more were men of stature, politically or even just physically looking down upon David?…yet the lord saw a man’s HEART. he recognized David by his good fragrance. thus, his cries for mercy, were indeed, heard, and more so, met.

an interesting fact is that the coffin should remain closed, so that the dead’s enemies may not be able to look upon him in such a helpless state.

his pursuers would be so completely brutal and he would receive no mercy. perhaps we can even take his body being torn apart to the point that there would be nothing to deliver to those who mourn him, literally.

the lion looks to kill with a bite to the throat or back of the neck…

i can see the resemblance of the devil, because he is a backbiter as well. and like the lions, he flanks the prey giving hope of an escape until they are ambushed with fierce jaws of death…with a lion literally…

i hate that the devil’s schemes always begin with the most attractive lie….like the anti christ and his coming deception of world peace. as soon as you believe it and desire it, its true form and colors are revealed, and your eyes of enlightenment are VITAL to discipher the truth!

once again, im not sure if im coherent in my trains of thought…but i hope i am!

the difference between the wicked man and the righteous man is that when the righteous man repents, with true repentence(according to the scriptures) he can approach god for justice because of the blood spilled by the mediator!

tower of babel

May 4, 2009

tower-of-babel1i just was reading through genesis 11. about the tower of babel.

“come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.”

at that time there was only one language. i had a revelation. that when man comes together with one langauage or one common goal, the “greater good” becomes the priority. all sense of true spirituality is lost, because we no longer look to jesus, but look to the ministry. i say ministry because i imagine that a generation so close to that of adam and eve’s, would still be focused on some sort of worship. whether it be christian or not, i use that term loosely because christ had not come yet (none the less was he present, for he was from the beginning. in another form, but none the less the son who has compassion on us, and devotion and sincerity to the father in his heart!) anyways, i suppose that this would have to be an incredible foreshadow of things to come…the merchants of souls spoken of in revelation, the one world monetary system…all of which brought such a unity that was inevitably evil and humanistic at its roots. all of this, and the actual tower itself was enough to make the lord come down to see it.

i think the text implies that all the world accumulated at the one location, thus the tight grips of globalization was birthed. westernization is one form of its powers, conforming others into a certain way of life. (technology, law, economics, fashion, worship, diet, etc.) with a large concentration of people in one city, it is bound to multiply the opportunity and influence of sin.

“be fruitful and multiply”, was not a suggestion. yet a command that grabs our desires, yet none the less deserving of chastening when broken. i think of a mini documentary i saw about the growth of islam against every other people group…it is irreversible, the effects of minimized reproduction of brothers and sisters in Christianity is coming. we will see the effects in 5 to 7 years, and how much more will we suffer for the gospel then?

i enjoy the fact that god dispersed them, and confused their language. did that mean he just picked them up and moved them, literally? did they one day wake up not knowing where they were? he confused their tongues…did they have to learn how to speak all over again, or were they left with a complete knowledge of a new language? like saying hello in english one day, and the next saying hola in spanish, and it sounded all the same?

god truly can do what he pleases. and yet every move he makes is just. it is more than understandable, it is in fact the right move. no matter what he does, it is his nature to do that which makes the most sense, whether we can discern it or not.

this text foreshadows the complacency and confidence that we put in ourselves as humans. as if we were a race in which perfection could lay. nature is a curse we fight. we will always remain made in HIS image, and not HIM made in ours.

im not sure if this made sense, but hopefully it did!


April 29, 2009

i am completely and utterly confused as to why i am so persistant in running from truth. the deep yearning for truth far surpasses the pain of my unrighteousness’ gratification to my flesh. yet the purging of my flesh makes my soul happy!

im not quite sure if what i wrote was proper in its language, but i suppose it felt good to word it like that.

in a recent bible study some undeniably hard questions were raised:

is there physical or spiritual bodies in heaven and hell right now, at this very moment?

what happens to someone while they are in a coma? is their soul taken or left until it the body is physically dead?

im completely confused. i find scriptural evidence to back that no man has a ressurected body until jesus’ return.

but i just found a few statements that make me wonder…“And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell,”

soul and BODY.

i am confused.


and also the transfiguration…was elijah and moses in a real body, or spirit body type thing?


November 22, 2008

so, tonight i went to e.g.s. it was so amazing! i felt like mike is really stepping out, in the leadership of the holy spirit, and speaking forth things that otherwise would have been bad timing.


he is speaking utter truth. and it hurts to hear some of it. it basically makes me realize so many things about myself, by conviction of the h.s., that i cant be complacent in the way i am right now. if jesus really is coming back, which i believe he is, and soon, i have so little time left! i need oil!